Rajas and Rani

Couple of nights ago, I switched on the Rascal Box (it has become too unscrupulous to be called idiot anymore), just as I do during my dinners. I began scanning through the news channels for some quality entertainment. Yes. That’s where we find wholesome entertainment these days. Dowry deaths for drama, corporate clashes for conniving plots, rath yatras for religion, and most important of all, sex scandals for, obviously, sex. All replete with live cameras and even more livelier anchors.

But I dint find any of them. All channels were showing just one thing. Rani Mukherji. Her careergraph, filmography, accolades and awards (or rather rewards) won, footages of her life, clips of her movies. Considering none of her movies released this week nor did she win any award, “Good God”, I thought, “Rani Mukherji passed away”. So young and so soon. I was desperately waiting for the information on the cause of death. But, there was none. Only more footage, clippings and trivia. As I frenetically started surfing the channels in a hope of getting more information, I began to wonder how she could have died. It would have been an accident or a suicide. Celebrities have a very limited choice with death. So not many of my grey cells were busy with the kind of death. They were busy figuring out the modus operandi.

Jumping of a high rise building, seemed one good possibility. It has all the ingredients for a celebrity death. Drama (any death has it), melodrama (film stars’ death would ooze out this), action (a performance without the stuntman), adventure (what could be more adventurous than a truly freefall bungee jump). And Mumbai has the required infrastructure, both in quantity and distribution.

Or may be it was simple bottle of poison or a noose. Though that would be a silent exit, yet we have often seen that silence makes the loudest of statements. Infact, the silence gives the sounds of gossip enough maneuverability.

As my mind was racing with these thoughts, the scrollbars at every channel were full of ‘obituary messages’. “We love you Rani…… Your films are evergreen … and Dad, if you are watching this, please get home a bulb. The one in the bathroom has fused out – Rahul”. Wow. Was that an obituary message or an satellite SMS? The next one was even more dramatic. “Rani, you would always stay in our hearts. – Yudi, Bheem, Arzghun, Knoacul, S.Dev, Drone-yo-dhan, and 100 brothers” Well, family planning has long way to go. Then there were some in Urdu, Tamil, Santhali, Dogri and Bahasa Indonesia. Bollywood has truly gone tribal and global, both at the same time. Incredible.

Before my thoughts could race further, the newsreader announced that it was Rani’s birthday.

Incidentally, a man who was instrumental in bringing peace to insurgent Assam, Bhrigu Kumar Phukan, passed away at Delhi the previous night. At Chennai, the fate of hundreds of students became uncertain after their courses were threatened with potential de-recognition. At Hyderabad, parliamentary etiquettes sunk into abyssal depths after Chandrababu Naidu resorted to lying on the floor of the Legislative Assembly. In Bangalore, the Legislative Council was discussing about administrative corruption in the context of recent raids on police officials. Elsewhere, the world was preparing to commemorate the World Water Day (22 March) by planning numerous conferences, meets, rallies and other events to warn the doomsday predictions.

But all our news channels allocate 30 minutes of their primetime to celebrate the birthday of an actress who is yet to complete a decade of her career. Beam news such as this and then blame the voters for criminalization and communalization of politics. Blame society for apathy towards women related crimes, when this is the feminist coverage they give. Raj(a)deep Sardesais, Raja(t) Sharmas, and all of their clan, you don’t seem to have learnt your mistakes. You are still committing the same “Cardinal Sin”.

Update: Seems there are news worse than this. Especially the one on sighting Yama.