Idiot and I

If traffic is something people have to fight everyday in metros, it is boredom in smaller towns. More often than not, you are miserably alone. You wouldn’t have too many friends of your age and those who are older have families to go back to. Having got used to always-on internet connectivity for around half a decade, browsing on a USB modem is not an entirely pleasurable experience. All these have pushed me into a forced wedlock with the idiot box. It is boring and utterly irritating. Yet, I go back to it every evening and it is the first thing I see when I wake up each morning. That is why I call it wedlock.

So let me give you a glimpse of my marital bliss. Frankly, I don’t watch anything in particular. I just keep surfing the channels. Today, when my better half was turned on (no pun intended) it was showing one of those soaps. It was a close-up shot of a couple who were holding each other. The teary-eyed lady looked deep into the man’s eyes. I waited for ten minutes but neither of them even batted their eyelids, leave alone indulging in any other motion. The camera showed them in two dozen angles with jarring vocals playing endlessly in the background. I shifted to the next channel.

The enterprising channel was interviewing a maid who supposedly worked in the same neighbourhood where Shiny Ahuja lived. I immediately ran down to the one-room temple below my guest house and thanked God that dogs still do not speak a language the news channels can understand. When I returned, the programme was drawing to a close. The anchor signed off saying, “There is a glaring difference between the on-screen and off-screen images of stars.” What a revelation! Thanks dude. But for you I would have still remained under the belief that Tobey Maguire could actually jump from one skyscraper to another.

My next pit stop was MTV, which more than makes up for the unavailability of FTV. As usual, a bunch of girls were flaunting their long sun-tanned legs performing acts on which even those with abnormally low IQ would have second thoughts. Seeing them being so jobless, wandering without proper cloths or food (they seem to survive on Papayas and Watermelons), I am convinced that recession is for real. I don’t understand why those creative brains that run the ticker refuse to rename roadies and splitsvilla as leggies and stripsvilla. If you try to listen what they speak, it would something like this: “What the *beep*. I know I am the most deserving. This *beep* is trying *beep* me off. Just *beep* off, OK? “

At the succeeding English news channel, after discussing India’s loss at T-20 for more than 20 hours since the loss, the newsreader remarked that a 360 degree coverage of the loss would follow. Can’t we have a 20-20 version of news? When we can have a nano car and nano houses, why not nano news channels? Any business house which starts such a channel can claim to have delivered the biggest CSR.

An aspirin and a few clicks later, I found myself watching Gemini Music. It made me nostalgic. A lot has changed in the last three years, including the name of the channel, but the husky beauty has stuck on. Nothing has changed. Neither her voice nor her wardrobe. Who says that change is the only thing which is constant?

The following 38 channels had the same programme. People of all ages and genders were dancing or singing or doing both. Kids displayed undesirable precociousness in garments and gesticulations. And the judges were those whom people wanted neither to sing nor to dance. Even better if they stayed at home. If not singing and dancing, they set upon narrating jokes on which only the judges laughed and the studio audience clapped. Captive audience in every sense of the term.

At the next click, I returned to where I began. The lady was still looking deeply into the guys’ eyes. The camera must have zoomed in from 845 different angles. Tears, which welled up in her eyes, still did not roll down. I think I must revisit my high school physics and relearn surface tension lessons. I am sure if I can understand this, the Income-tax act would be a cake walk.

I disinterestedly set upon the next round of surfing.......

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Doubt III : Parliamentary Democracy

After a long long time I read The Hindu and found this.

....Curiously, it is Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, who has no known electoral base and holds office by virtue of being a member of the Rajya Sabha, who has been allowed to pull the trigger on the political arrangement ......

How many times have Sitaram Yechuri and Prakash Karat been elected to Lok Sabha? I lack general awareness. So, please let me know.

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Singur: The Hindu responds, partly

It was a pleasant surprise to find the Reader’s Editor of The Hindu responding to the accusations made in my previous post on Singur/Nandigram. Thanks to Desicritics, Desipundit and Blogbharati for extending the reach of the post.

I came across some interesting comments on some published letters on the Singur/Nandigram land acquisition controversy in West Bengal. A letter referred to "rumours of land acquisition" while the same issue of the paper carried the news of the Chief Minister admitting that the Haldia Development Authority had issued a notice to acquire land. This "factual inaccuracy" is explained by the time gap between the processing of letters and placing them on the page, which is done early in the day, and the news development and its reporting.

Along with this comment came the observation that all the letters The Hindu carried were from "non-Bengal locations," 2000 km from West Bengal. This is strange: is it the argument that only residents of a State can comment on developments within that State? The spread of the paper's readership is known. It is only natural that the letters originate mostly from this readership.

The first explanation is accepted. With regard to the second, my major contention was that the Letters to the Editor should be a representation of the people’s perspective on the issue. It should give voice to dissent and avoid reiteration of the newspapers’s stand, something which has been agreed in the above column.

But that process should not muffle or distort the voice of the people, which the column presents. The letter appears under the contributor's name and should reflect the original as faithfully as possible. Variety in style should be the spice of this column, not rewritten uniformity. They should not become opinion manufactured in-house — that some newspapers are said to do, and a charge a couple of readers laid against The Hindu too.

Priority should be given to alternative opinions. After all, we see newspaper as a source of information; not as a snap poll on the agreement or otherwise of its readers to its views.

I never questioned the liberty of non-residents of the state from commenting. What my concern was that, if the selection of the letters carried atleast a few from the state, it would have been a better reflection of what people at the ground zero think. I am not convinced with the cover of “spread of the paper's readership”. Yes, we all know that The Hindu has a better readership in South India. But I am sure it enjoys a respectable readership in Kolkatta, if not in the whole of West Bengal. A letter or two from there would have extended some credibility to the column.

Finally, one of the commentators on the Singur post at Desicritics wondered if “The Hindu puts doctored or manufactured letters under Letters to the Editor.” I confidently responded that “I don't think The Hindu would stoop so low to doctor letters, though from my personal experience, I know that they do reduce the length of letters.”

Today’s column eroded my confidence when it admitted that a two-sentence letter was re-phrased and published in a manner that the “printed version had no resemblance to the original”. Retrospectively, the Editor-in-Chief feels that instead of “sanitizing”, the letter should have been "dumped". So while The Hindu clamors for freedom of expression, even if it means protection of dubious finance companies, it itself would never grant the same.

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Singur : The Emperors Have No Cloths

How much more will The Hindu defend the Marxist Government of West Bengal? For over a month, the campaign to paint the Marxist Government white has breached all decent limits of “fearless unbiased” reporting. As pointed out in my previous post, not content with the 22 pages it has everyday, The Hindu also wants to use the tiny “Letter to the Editor” column to propagate or rather thrust upon its views. Similar to the cry of Chief Minister Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee that since all the available land is under cultivation, they are forced to encroach upon agriculture land for industrialization, The Hindu seems to say that since all the available space is either filled with news or advertisements (or even Rs 13-per-Sq-cm obituaries), it has no option but to forcibly intrude into the only available space on the paper – “Letters to the Editor”.

Look at this piece that was published two days ago.

"The report that six persons died in clashes in Nandigram, West Bengal, following rumours of land acquisition for a Special Economic Zone, is disturbing."

“Rumors”? What rumors? When you turn two pages you find this article where, Mr. Bhattacharjee admitted that the Haldia Development Authority did issue a notice to acquire land and the said authority is headed by a CPI(M) MP. Why publish letters that are factually incorrect?

Incidentally, all the letters are from people who are more that 2000 kms from West Bengal. What a representative collection of letters!

As if that was not enough, yesterday’s edition carries another letter toeing the line of The Hindu and coming from a non-West Bengal location.

“The death of six persons in clashes instigated by some organisations in Nandigram is unfortunate. The fact that these organisations played up rumours of land acquisition saying the West Bengal Government had issued eviction notices, when the reality is that it has not even completed the identification of lands, shows their vested interest.”

The other letter in the column too supports the Marxists. Readers often look towards the letters to learn the dissenting or the alternative points of view. In the first place, the reporting on the Singur issue has been very one-sided. Ms. Medha Patkar and Ms. Arundhati Roy, who usually get lavish space, are now given single-column insignificant coverage. By publishing letters that just mimic the articles, The Hindu is forcing regular readers like me to look for alternative sources of news.

The fine line between your beliefs and the truth is always sacrosanct. In this editorial, where they term Mamata Banerjee’s fast as “high-wire theatrics” and “meaningless”, has breached that line. The editorial, which also commends Mr. Bhattacharjee’s handling of the issue, give us an FAQ on Singur.

“What are the key facts about Singur? The State Government went about acquiring the land sought by Tata Motors not by dispossessing the people on the highly fragmented land, but by seeking their consent through offering compensation that was significantly higher than the market price.”

The moot issue is not the price but the consent of the landowners and rehabilitation and that has been consciously eclipsed.

The biggest lie that Chief Minister Bhattacharjee has been repeatedly telling is that the lands have been acquired with the consent of the landowners. But the “Final Report on Singur” which available on the website of West Bengal Industrial Development Corporation reveals a different story.

“Consent under section 11(2) is a means of involvement of the citizen in determination of award. However, non-submission of consent in writing in terms of Section 11(2) does not prevent the Collector from declaring the award and acquiring the land. For those landowners who do not submit consent in writing under Section 11 (2), the Collector shall proceed under Section 11(1) and declare the award and such awardees will not receive the additional 10%.”

Hence, irrespective of the landowner’s consent, the lands have been acquired by the West Bengal Government. The consents that were obtained before the calculation of award are called “Pre-Award Consents”, which is quite logical. The “consents” of those who have not given their consent are called “Post-Award Consents”. It is by using such oxymoronic phrases, Chief Minister Bhattacharjee is shouting from the rooftop that he has got the consent of the landowners.

The Pre-Award Consents get 10% additional money for kowtowing the Communists. When people have finally realized that irrespective of their consent, they are losing their land, they decided that they would rather give their consent to gain the additional 10%. This is quite natural and has obviously happened.

“But even after Declaration of the Award, many persons came forward with the appeal that due to various reasons and constraints, they could not submit the consent in writing for compensation before the date of Declaration of Award. They submitted applications requesting that they may also be paid the additional 10%.”

Predictably, the report is silent on proportion of Pre-Award and Post-Award consents. Incidentally, the third page of the report mentions Important Provisions of the Land Acquisition Act 1894:

The first one under that is:

“Section 4: By publication of notification in the official gazette, two dailies (including one in regional language) and by publication of public notice of the substance of such notification in the locality, the Collector notifies the intention of the Government to take specified lands for any public purpose.”

When did setting up of private industries become a “public purpose”? The self-proclaimed labour-friendly Government has not given any guarantee that the displaced would be employed in the proposed factory. The argument of generating employment seems hollow considering the past record of the Tatas at Pimpri, Pune.

“The Tata's Indica project, comparable to Singur was established as an extension to its initial car-truck and other production enterprise, in Pimpri, Pune. Tatas were given 188 acres of land possessed by Pimpri Housing and Area Development Corporation that was supposed to be used for housing of labourers in the industrial belt. ……

….. no one from about only 125 families who lost their land for the project is employed in the factory which is highly mechanised and have altogether only 300 employees. Telco has anyway slashed about 10,000 and more jobs during last 4 years and Tata Steels downsized its workplace by 30,000 during one decade, as per estimate."

The Left which supported the principle of land-for-land rehabilitation in Narmada Valley and elsewhere, is dispensing the present oustees with cash. With little investment opportunities, lack of alternative skills and the temptation of demonstrative consumption, they are soon going to become impoverished slum dwellers. Just the way numerous tribals ousted from Srisailam are found begging and selling earbuds on the crossroads of Hyderabad.

Much has been made out of the Mr. Bhattacharjee’s repeated offers to Ms. Mamata Banerjee, in a “civil tone”, to discuss the issues and his decision to set up a consultative mechanism within the Left Front has been recommended to be emulated by others. If the intentions of Mr. Bhattacharjee are truly as angelic as it is being projected, then why isn’t he allowing Ms. Medha Patkar to visit Singur? If the Chief Minister’s claims that there is absolute consensus in the land acquisition among the land holders, then why did he confine Ms. Medha Patkar to a youth hostel in Salt Lake? Wasn’t the State Police well-equipped to handle even 1% of the dissenting local population? It was the same CM who gleefully invited the media to show the vandalism caused by the Trinamool legislators in the Assembly.

Mr. Bhattacharjee, is not just re-inventing Marxism in economic terms, but also in political terms. He is adopting the same tricks which his so-called arch rivals, the capitalists use. The Singur media blockade and the extended videography of broken furniture in the West Bengal Assembly are the pointers towards manipulative dissemination of information. Even the majority of Pre-Award consents, happen to be sourced from the members of Gram Panchayat [predominantly manned by their own party workers] and not the Gram Sabha.

Religion, something which the Communist never recognize, too, is being use. At Nandigram, Mr. Bhattacharjee sought to take refuge under Jamait Ulema-i-Hind. It is not surprising as saffron and red have very similar wavelengths.

With so much going on, The Hindu, has been publishing one-sided stories which have become a joke on journalism. A sample.

“West Bengal Chief Minister Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee said here on Tuesday that a notification issued by the Haldia Development Authority….”

Said? I thought he admitted that the notification was issued. Admitted because he was consistently denying any such move, even when six persons were killed. But how can Buddhadeb or for that matter any Marxist be wrong in the eyes of The Hindu. And when they are not wrong, what can they admit?

He goes on to say that the notification was “used by certain forces to create confusion in the minds of the locals to incite them to violence.” But a few lines down the article he contradicts himself saying “Confusion among the local people is only natural if such a document from a State agency is brought to their notice.” Mr. Bhattacharjee, please clarify if the confusion was incited or natural? I am confused more than the locals. Or is it that you yourself are confused?

And it seems that the unbiased the reporting of “The Hindu” has forgotten to mention in the article that the head of the Haldia Development Authority is a CPI(M) MP, Lakshman Seth. So Mr. Bhattacharjee, what we need is not an All-Party Meet which you want to convene, but please convene your own party meet or atleast a meeting of your legislators and parliamentarians. May be they will clear (y)our confusion.

It is high-time that the Marxists and their unofficial Media Partner realize that the emperor is wearing no cloths.

Crossposted at Desicritics.

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Transparency Begins at Home

So there are things worse than having pesticides. [Link via Kuffir] But more than this, it hurts to know that media has let off these guys easily.

Look at the way how they covered the reservation issue. They gave airtime to every remotely relevant point of view. Not that all of it was bad. While juvenile idiots were given opportunities to show off their pretensions of ‘saving the nation’, they also highlighted the status in media and various sociologists’ perspectives. There was an attempt, no matter how biased it was, to see issues other than what met the eye.

Or for that matter the rains in Mumbai. There was coverage even before the first cloud appeared. And then it was a deluge of reporting on the ill-preparedness of the Municipal Corporation. Views, suggestions, comments and alternatives followed.

But when it comes to Hero Honda's labour policy or Coca Cola's water policy, I wonder where is the "in-depth analysis brought by correspondents across the length and breadth of the nation"

No investigation, no follow-up stories, nothing. Mere mechanical reporting of what the CSE, Government and the suckers had to say.

It is not difficult to see the reason for the anomaly. Right in the midst of reporting on the suckers, we would find their advertisements during commercial breaks. Even respected newspapers seem to be succumbing to the lure of MNCs like never before. One such instance was highlighted some time back and the dialectics can be seen here.

Nearly after a month of the episode, the Apologist-in-Chief of Hindu presented the inside view of the journalism-advertising dynamics.

N. Ram spoke in detail about how he and the editorial team have been trying to keep intact the Lakshman Rekha between editorial and advertisement. It is only a conceptual line and no wall exists between the two areas of operation of the paper. There is continuous interaction between the two where the pressures and constraints are aired and discussed.

So it is just a conceptual line. That means it can be and will be subject to distortions due to the pull of advertising revenue.

Continuous interaction? Why should there be an interaction between the two at all? Why should the editorial department know who is funding their salaries and cost of operations? At the best, they might be informed of their budget to help them plan their operations. But why should they know the source of their revenues?

Mr. K. Narayanan’s views reflect the symptomatic malice that affects every media. Atleast he has been honest to admit it. If this is the status of a newspaper of Hindu’s stature, I dread to think the scenario in other media groups.

Would any media group bother to show the break up of their advertising revenues from different companies? Just as shareholders have the right to know the finances of their company, don’t the readers have the right to know the altruistic souls who are subsidizing their newspapers? Transparency and right to information, after all, should begin at home.

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Blogger's Block - Enemy of the State?

For long people such as this person have been complaining about blogger's block. The Indian Government, with its utmost sincerity in alleviating the problems of its beloved citizens has solved the problem once and for all. Block the blogs. Naa rahegi baans, Naa bajegi bansuri.

I am unable to access any of the blogs hosted at blogspot. But yes, I can definitely access debonairblog (No, I am not giving the link as you might end up there ignoring my post), which is a favourite porn blog of numerous Indian males (Don't know about females). I wouldn't be surprised if Wordpress was left out just because it was hosting this blog. After all, what would be the state of the frustrated middle-aged senile secretaries of GoI if such sites are blocked. And what earthly use would those laptops be put into use, which have more files in Temporary Internet Files folder than in My Documents? Where those flaunting them would struggle to create a PowerPoint presentation or an Excel sheet, but in a jiffy would tell you how to clear cache?

So guys, next time you find some steamy stuff on my PC, don't call me a pervert. I am just being forcibly guided by the CERT-IN .

By the way, people tell me that they plan to use RTI to get to know the list of sites which were asked to be blocked by the Department of Telecommunication. But who knows, may be tomorrow there could be another confidential list of person who are to be denied use of RTI. Or may be the water, electricity, postal and even police department might be give confidential lists of people to be blacked out. In fact every department except Income Tax could be asked to boycott perceived enemies of the state. Oh yes, I forgot the Election Commission, which is very liberal in this regard. The other day, they supplied my mom with two verification forms for issuing her photo ID card. One with my dad's name as her initial and other with her dad's name as her initial. Now the joke is how they got my mom's name with her dad's name as initial in their records as she never lived in this state, let alone in Hyderabad, before marriage.

And in the meanwhile, all those who want to circumvent the block, and for those even pkblogs is blocked, you may use shysurfer. There are other anonymous surfing sites too, but this one allows you to log on to you blogger account and make posts. And also do not forget to enable the option in you Blogger account which lets you post by email. In times such as this, we must be well-prepared for more such censorships.

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N.Ram and maR(a)N - Comrade at Arms

When I made this post, I thought that the doomsday prediction was limited to Tamil Nadu. But after I came across this, I realised that things were far worse than I thought.

What is worse is that "The Hindu" has refused to publish the article by Sevanti Ninan, whose column "Media Matters" is one of the best critical evaluations of the Indian media.

I had known since long about Hindu’s DMK relations. No, I am not referring to the coincidence that “N.Ram” is almost a palindrome of “Maran”. Dayanidhi Maran’s wife is the grand daughter of Rangarajan, the publisher of Hindu. The refusal to publish Sevanti Ninan’s article just reaffirms Hindu's hidden vested interests. I am yet to comprehend what was so “legally risky” in the article. Remember, Hindu had the clout to get a stay order the very next day from the highest court of this land when they were threatened with warrants and a person no less than the Solicitor General appeared for them. A court which takes ages to solve basic problems of the most deprived sections such as the ousted tribals, gas leak affected victims etc was ready to hear even after the official hours. Such a newspaper calling the article “legally risky” is as genuine a reason as to say that they ran out ink while printing and hence the article was omitted.

And while a few people would aware of Hindu's duplicity, they would earn accolades by publishing articles like this. A very intelligent way to masquerade their immorality. This post, which I also referred to in my previous post accusing Hindu of bias, raised the questions of caste composition of the Hindu management and their ownership pattern. While Mr. Varadarajan slams the media in general and his ‘previous’ newspaper in particular, can he or his Big Boss, Ram tell us how diverse is Hindu’s editorial staff or what steps have they taken to increase inclusivity. Or why the card-holder refuses to give his employees a share in the company?

Hindu should learn that in the age of blogs and sms, it would be difficult to carry on their hypocrisy forever.

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'Under'Cover Stories - Sex, Lies and Surveys

I stopped reading magazines ever since India Today carried Natasha Singh’s suicide on its cover page. And the way tabloidification of magazines has happened since then, I never had to regret my decision.

A recent edition of The Week (unable to fish the hyperlink) chose to carry on its cover a survey on sex at workplaces. Initially it dint interest me as I neither have sex nor work. You see I have this disastrously repulsive combination of being both ugly and unemployed. And literally, neither lady nor luck, smiles at me.

But then I decided to have a peek hoping against hope to find some alchemical formula to liberate myself from virginity. I remember how few years back I ran to a book shop when I knew a book called 'Losing Virginity' was released. On reaching there, I realized that it had everything other than what was written on the cover. These magazines too are something like that.

India Today did some similar survey and every forgotten female made news by just commenting on what one clumsy female commented in it. So did Outlook and virtually every other magazine except our dear Frontline. They believe in Real Story. Everytime. In case of sex that would be disappointing at its best and depressing at its worst. One common denominator among all these stories (no, I wouldn’t call them surveys) is that they never tell you anything that you dint know.

They would begin talking about the increasing stress in urban life, failing relationships, work pressures and then go on to tell you how sex is fun, stress busting etc etc. Wow! Revelation indeed. I swear I never knew that till I read these stories. I always thought that sex was for artificial insemination in men, and to produce broiler babies in women.

And then a couple of couples in coupled positions. A few bold (I mean the font, not the content) titles about relationships, marriages, divorces, flings, preferences, positions etc etc. But whom are they trying to surprise. Every kid knows that these days sex and infidelity fit as good as six and nine. I know that was gross. But I am happy that I was able to comment on relationships, preferences and positions in one go and that’s what people seem to like these days. Considering the popularity of sex and the falling visits my blog gets, I too plan to have a new section, “Sex”.

To add a technical touch, you would have a sociologist, psychologist and, of course, a sexologist who tries hard to look sexy from the small passport size photo beside his byline. This one in the Week, recommends nipping causal (read sexual) relations in the bud. So now we are going to have two departments in the HR, one to prevent sexual harassment and one to prevent sexual appeasement. The first would ask the guy to take his hands off the girl and the second would ask the girl to take her hands off the guy’s hands so that they can then ask the guy to take his hands off the girl.

The survey itself was crap. 47% were not aware of casual relations. So with close to half of the respondents blissfully unaware of what rocks their cars, tables and lifts, how accurate would the survey be. Another sore was “No Comments”. For god sake, you are not a chargesheeted politician speaking to the media. With anonymity assured, why can’t you open your mouth and speak something which you have been dreaming, speaking and hearing ever since you passed out of your kindergarten. And damn those who make the survey. In a population of 1 crore they can’t find 1000 people who can answer all the 10 questions.

I won’t start preaching the media on socially responsible journalism as I know they are not going to desist from such surveys and news in future. But what I wish is that they should be useful.

For Example:

1) Top 30 Firms (with the full postal address) whose proportion of female employees is atleast 75%

2) Among these, top 20 Firms where the average age of females is less than 25 years

3) And finally, the top 10 firms where the standard deviation from 36-24-36 is less than 1.213

4) Top 5 approach lines

5) Next 5 approach lines

If they fail,

6) Top 5 cover-ups

7) Next 5 Cover-ups

If they too fail,

Repeat the survey with the next 30 companies in the next issue.

Iteration to continue ad infinitum.

For pre-marital sex, please replace firms with schools. And please don’t ask people like Khushboo and Sania for comments. One is too old and the other hardly went to school.

Additionally, annual subscribers should be rewarded with complimentary details. Something like one-year subscription should get you the first names, two year subscription, both first and last names and three year subscription should get you both names and mobile numbers.

Do this and I assure that the editors can laugh their way to the banks and readers to the beds.

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DMK Victory - Manufacturing Manufacturing Consent

Now that the DMK has come back to power, it would be keen to fulfill its promise of free Colour TV with cable connection. While giving colour TV would not be much of a problem (atleast logistically), the cable connection could prove to be a tricky issue.

The Government could start a state-owned service provider. But if it does, then I am sure it would not be allowed to compete with other providers as Kalanidhi Maran owned Multi System Operator (MSO) Kal Cables Private Limited would take a beating with the low pricing of the state-owned service provider. If the state-owned service provider is to provide service exclusively to those households which got the free TV, then it would be a perpetual loss-making organization, which no modern fiscal-deficit-conscious Government would be ready to bear.

They could alternatively consider the telecom way of dividing the state into circles and floating tenders for license with a rider that the Government-specified households should be given free service. This too the Government would reject as there is every possibility that Jaya TV would garner substantial licenses. Also what about those circles which are financially unviable?

So what I figure out is that the Government would go for the DTH option. The State-owned DD Direct would be a non-controversial choice and since DD Direct also beams more than a dozen private channels, the DMK Government could pass it off for something as good as a cable TV. The biggest advantage would be that since DD Direct is free (you only pay for the set-top box), the whole investment would be a one-time affair.

So far, so good. But things don’t seem to be as good as they look. When I checked out the DD Direct FAQs, I found that Sun TV is the only Tamil Channel in the offing. Of course, people wouldn’t complain because Tamilians equate Tamil satellite television to Sun TV as the others have extremely pathetic content. Jaya TV was trying to spruce up, but I find that Sun TV as too deeply ingrained in the Tamilian psyche to be dislodged by Jaya TV.

With this, for the first time in the history of Indian television, we would have a channel which has 100% reach. With such a reach, their advertising revenues and stock prices would go to unimaginable heights.

Now look at the grip DMK will get out of this. Literally every household in TN will now watch Sun TV. By the time the alternative sources of news like newspapers reach, they would have a whole 12 hours (considering the earliest eveninger and discounting radio) to inject into people not just their news, but also their views. So when Jayalalitha returns after 5 years (that is obvious) and decides to arrest Karunanidhi ( this is more obvious than the previous one), you would find the whole state being burnt by a frenzy mob ignited by the DMK cadre and fuelled by the Sun TV’s doctored news. For that matter, they can do this for any of their needs.

In case, DMK manages to get another term, then the state would be another West Bengal in the making where people since their infancy would be brainwashed with DMK’s ‘contribution to TN’ and oppositions’ failures. Every kid would grow up thinking Jayalalitha as a corrupt lady who owns stories of sandals, saris and silver, while Karunanidhi was the crusader who was fought against impostion of Hindi., emergency and Jayalalithaa’s cruel mid-night arrests.

Combine this with other facts, Maran’s newspaper acquisitions, Eveninger Tamizh Murasu and a daily, Dinakaran with a predatory Re 1 pricing. Add to this the rumor of his desire to acquire 33% stake in Tata-DTH. à la Manufacturing Consent in the making.

In a single move, Karunanidhi and subsequently the Marans (they have shrewdly marginalized Stalin who might end up as the former next CM) have captured power, money and control. All this under the disguise of sincere fulfillment of a pro-poor election promise. Whoever said that the DMK manifesto was the real hero of the DMK’s success, would do well to give the due credit to the script writer for such a Kautilyan plot.

At 83, Kalaignar rocks !!!

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Aditya - The Telugu (Mu)sick Channel

OK, guys. I can’t take this anymore.

Everything about the channel is gaudy. The sets, the VJs, their wardrobe. The backgrounds are those free aqua screensavers which are offered free by pop-ups. Occasionally the fishes change. Nothing more. R-9000 series of shops or Funtoosh seems to sponsor the wardrobe for the female VJs. Her colours remind me about the walls of my playschool. And her fits are a nihilism to the fashion industry. She has redefined the concept of Anti-fits. Even women naxalites in Adilabad district have better fits. And her voice? It sounds as if her larynx has a permanent coat of sawdust.

The callers would begin speaking only after a half-a-dozen “Hellos” by the VJs, which sound like the Telengana version of “Smells like a teen spirit”. May be Cobain knew this and hence decided to die. And the callers? The lines of Aditya channel are part of a CUG. The same people keep calling at morning, afternoon, evening, night, midnight, yesterday, today, and tomorrow and even in 2020. Infact, the VJs have propounded a new theory that that if you call once, then it is always easy to get connected subsequently.

We can understand family doctors, family attorneys and even family plumbers. But family VJs? That is what they translate into. The callers are so few and so frequent, that the VJs enquire about the engagement of their uncle’s cousin’s father-in-law’s second wife’s fourth’s son. The chatter, banter (if you can find a shittier form of speech, please substitute that) would then continue to enquire whether the potatoes for the dinner were peeled or mashed. After that, every homo sapien in their home would talk to the VJ. If one of them is answering a nature’s call, then the VJ would talk to the dog, till he returns. Probably, the callers and VJs are parallel cousins. Else, who would call those lousy idiots.

And the reasons for dedications are frustratingly silly. A guy calls up and asks the VJ to wish his friend success in the next days’ exam. Where the heck will “success” come if both are hooked to the TV? You should slap the caller twice. Once for thinking that wishes for examinations could be given through songs. And again for choosing Aditya TV. To rise to the IQ levels of the caller, the VJ plays a hot, uncensored, steamy song for the occasion. I am sure both would be fiddling their groins next day. I pity the evaluator who corrects the script.

The program where request letters are read is another trauma. The bloke who reads or tries to read wears a purple shirt, which even a brinjal will puke at. And the letters? Ahh, what a pain they are. The first paragraph reads like “About Us” page on an under-construction matrimonial website and the last one goes on to dedicate the song to every alternate person in the telephone directory.

My unshaken belief is that the letters have just two lines, “Anna, zarrrra Samarasimha Reddy cinema nundi aa Lux Paapa paata veyya radhe. Maa inti kaada maa thammunki, baavaki, akkaki inka maa kukka ki aa paata ante masthu isshhtam.” (Brother, play the song “Lux Paapa from the movie “Samarasimha Reddy. My sister, brother and my dog like it). I know that was not the best of telangana, but something similar to that would be there on the letter. The first and the last paragraphs are actually added by the dispatch clerks of the administrative wing. But even that they cant do convincingly. Some of the letters are read for such a long time that you wonder if so many words could be fit on an A4 sheet without becoming microscopic. At least the bloke who is reading could pretend to turn the pages.

The moron then seeks to clarify certain ‘doubts’. A sample: “While writing pet names, please write in Telugu. You have written “Pandu”. I wonder if should pronounce it as ‘Pandu’ or ‘Paandu’”. Mere Baap, It is fine as long as you don’t pronounce it as Gaandu.

You tolerate all this hoping for some nice song. In all probability, the song would be from a dubbed Tamil movie. And even those Urdu speaking Hyderabadis, who never speak Telugu even if their bottoms are burning, would know that the movie was neither dubbed nor released. Kalanidhi Maran, at his stingy best, dubs the songs at Gemini TV studios in Somajiguda. Probably, that is one reason why Aditya TV has the distinction of being the only music channel in the world which does not display song credits.

This channel is sooooooooo sick that you cant even watch the commercials. Till date I thought Jaya TV had the worst sponsors and ads. But, seems (Karuna and Kala)Nidhi wont let any distinction, good or bad, go to Amma. Consider this. The sponsor of Prema Kosamai is Suguna Water Pumps. So when a romantic song ends, you would find a farmer pumping (don’t ask me what) and then suddenly his wife gets an electric pump and they are happy ever after. The others are no better. Bromark Chicken, F***all Iron Rods, Playboy Matrimonial Service……

I hope, as an Ugadi gift, Maran would please take the channel off the air.

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